Filthy
by juuvi09
Summary: Seiko Shinohara had a talent for making people smile. It wasn't hard, so long as Naomi was nearby. Since that one night, though, not even Naomi could cleanse the filth that had stained her skin and haunted her mind. (Seiko-centric Neiko fic, rated M for mentions of sexual assault)
1. Nightmares

**_Warning: this fic could possibly be triggering for some because it alludes heavily to rape and how that can effect one's mentality. I hope everyone will still give it a chance, though, because there is a lot more to this fic than simply a character with PTSD struggling through life. It is a romance as well. Keep that in mind._** ** _Warning #2: there is a brief lemon towards the beginning. It's all italicized, so it's easy to skip if that isn't your cup of tea._**

 ** _*_**

 **Seiko's POV**

"N-no, stop, stop, _stop!_ "

I awoke with a loud scream, bolting upright in my small twin-sized bed. My pajamas and hair stuck uncomfortably to my sweat-slicked flesh, and my chest heaved up and down from my hysteric breathing. _It was just a dream_ , I reminded myself. I checked the clock at my bedside. _3:49am_. I drew my knees to my chest and allowed my burning face to slump into my shaky palms. My dream replayed over and over again in my mind, and I felt terror wash over me all over again. Tears spilled from my eyes as my shoulders shook from the weight of my sobs. I grabbed my pillow and pressed my face into it, not wanting to wake the kids. It would scare them to see me like this. I cried until my eyes felt incapable of producing more tears, and then I got out of bed. Since I wasn't going to be getting any more sleep, I climbed out of bed and tied my hair up into a messy bun on top of my head, pinning my bangs out of the way. The rush of cool air against the back of my neck felt wonderful. I then quickly stripped my damp pajamas from my body and sat on the edge of my bed, looking down at my body. My ivory skin was unblemished, not a single flaw upon the smooth flesh. However, I could still pinpoint where each and every bruise was made was _that night_ , as well as the varying shades of color they became. I also could pinpoint exactly where my dozens of thick scars were located on my back, the remnants of deep lacerations inflicted _that night_. Every night since _that night_ has been like this. I even had a towel and some wet wipes I kept in my nightstand to clean off the cold sweats I almost always woke up in, and I took advantage of that now that I had cooled off a bit. I wiped down my body and dried my skin before putting on fresh undergarments and skimpy pajamas. I debated about attempting to sleep some more, but the mere thought of sleep sent a cold shiver down my spine. I decided that even if I didn't sleep, I should at least rest my body, though. So, I laid down on top of my sheets and allowed the cold air to bite at all my exposed flesh while I relaxed my body. My chocolate gaze remained unfocused as I stared numbly at my ceiling. The horrific dream kept playing through my mind, and it was driving me crazy. I couldn't relax with the memory of such intense pain fresh in my mind. Sighing, I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my cellphone. I usually tried not to look at it once it got past a certain hour at night (I read it keeps you awake, which is the last thing I needed), but this was a dire circumstance. Flipping it open, I was greeted with a glowing picture of a certain voluptuous brunette donning an adorable chocolate pixie cut that I remembered trimming myself. She was smiling at the camera, clearly in the middle of a good laugh. I smiled sadly at the photo, feeling tears drip off the sides of my face as my bottom lip began to quiver.

"Naomi," I whispered. "I love you so much." More tears began to fall as I continued, "I wish I could tell you the truth about what happened that night."

I cried silently and stared at the blurred image of Naomi through my tears. Finally, I closed my phone and set it aside to charge before wiping at my eyes. There were only a few more hours until I had to get up for school, and I decided it would be best to simply stay awake until then. To pass the time, I closed my eyes and imagined the love of my life by my side. Only in my own imagination could Naomi and I ever be together, and I made the most of my own creativity. I imagined Naomi and I were married, and every time I woke up from a nightmare she was right there to comfort me.

 _"Did you have a bad dream, sweetheart?" Naomi asked sweetly, holding my head to her breasts and petting my hair. I nodded, sniffling as I cried quietly. She continued, "Do you want to talk about it?"_

 _"It's the same dream again," I mumbled against her collarbone. Naomi held me noticably tighter._

 _"You're safe here with me, Seiko, my love," she reassured me. When I didn't respond, she added softly, "Would you like me to take your mind off of it for you?"_

 _"Y-yes please," I replied in a small voice, blushing. Naomi smiled and rolled me over onto my back so she could climb over top._

 _"I'll make sure you forget everything bad," she whispered in a seductive tone before lowering her lips to my exposed collarbone. I moaned softly, threading my fingers through her hair._

 _"Oh, Naomi..."_

 _"That's it, baby. Keep saying my name. That's all you need to think about," she told me before lowering her lips to address my dripping womanhood. When had I become naked? As Naomi's tongue dipped into my entrance, I decided I didn't care._

 _"N-Naomi!" I gasped, my fingers flexing against her scalp and pulling at her soft locks. "Ah, Naomi! Oh, yes, yes!" I practically was melting beneath her touch, writhing and rolling my hips to the rhythm of her tongue. Her name spilled from my lips over and over as mind-numbing pleasure sparked through my entire being. She was right; before long, all I knew was her and her name. Naomi was my sun, and her love seared itself into my flesh. Pleasure tingled throughout my body, and I felt a familiar sensation coiling in the pit of my stomach._

 _"Hng, N-Naomi, I'm g-getting close...!"_

 _I felt Naomi giggle against me before pulling away momentarily to reply with, "Already? I barely got started with you, sweetheart~"_

 _I couldn't even think clearly enough to respond correctly. Words simply fell from my parted lips unbidden, not giving me any time to filter myself. "Don't stop, Naomi! Please! Keep going! I-I'm...oh god don't stop Naomi I'm going to come - !"_

"Ah!"

For the second time that night, I woke up sweating and breathing heavy. Funny, I didn't even remember falling asleep. I glanced at my clock, frowning as the numbers _5:04_ flashed back at me. I couldn't tell which was worse: waking up from a horrific nightmare with no one to comfort me or waking up super horny with no one to help me take care of it. I knew I could always do it myself, but since the incident I haven't been able to so much as imagine myself in a sexual position with anyone. Prior to the incident, it was easy to imagine being with Naomi in that way, but now the thought makes me sick. If I am fantasizing, I never conciously let it become anything sexual. The only times it does are when I fall asleep while fantasizing like I did tonight. The truth is that I really didn't think I deserved to be with anyone in that way anymore, let alone someone as special as Naomi. I tried my best not to indulge in those thoughts. So, I will simply endure the deep aching loneliness that I feel and wait for the feelings to pass.

For at least half an hour I laid there, silently staring at the ceiling while thinking of nothing and everything all at once. I really wished time would move faster so I could just get on with my day. I really, really wished I could see my friends right now. They gave me strength. I really, really, _really_ wished that I could see Naomi's smile. Her smile cleansed me. After what had happened, the feeling of being filthy never left no matter how hard I scrubbed at my skin in the shower. Yet, when Naomi smiled at me, I finally felt the satisfaction of being clean and untouched for a single sweet moment. I could never feel that way for longer than that because that's exactly how long it took me to be reminded of why I cannot and will not be with her, ever. I am far too filthy.

There's a difference between being perverted and being filthy. I hoped my perversion hid my filth.

I couldn't take it. Everytime I dreamt of those rough hands on me it was just as vivid as when it actually happened. When I felt those grimy fingers on me once again, it was like I was freshly reminded of how filthy I was. It was getting to be too much in this moment. Dragging myself out of bed, I noticed I had half an hour before I needed to get up. That made me more relaxed; I had time to be as thorough as possible. Hoping it didn't wake my family, I walked to the bathroom, stripped down, and got in the shower. As I always did nowadays, I turned up the heat until it felt like my flesh might burn right off. It hurt, but I needed it to hurt. I needed to imagine it was burning the filth off of me. Taking a simple washcloth, I rubbed and rubbed at my skin until it was red and raw. I knew it wouldn't take away the feeling of being dirty, but that filth was unbearable. I had to try, otherwise, I could never face anyone.

Once I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off, my skin felt incredibly tender. Upon further examination, I realized it was extremely dry and cracking in multiple places. Vigorously, I rubbed scented lotion into my skin to futher distract from the filth that continued to plague me despite the fact that I had just showered. I wrapped my towel around my body and carefully combed my long, silky strands. I used to love my hair, the feeling of combing and styling it every day. Now, just the slightest tug of the comb reminded me of the way my hair was pulled as unspeakable things were done to me. I usually dumped excessive quantities of leave in conditioner and de-tangling spray into my hair to prevent any tugging, but as the comb hit a knot (luckily I was moving slowly enough that it didn't tug) I realized I forgot to do that amongst all my vigorous scrubbing. Checking the clock, I quickly decided that I didn't have time to wash my hair again, do the treatment, and then style it. So, with shaky hands I piled my hair on top of my head in a messy bun, hoping it looked stylishly loose. I didn't have time to conceal the bags under my eyes, either; I went way overboard with my shower time. Then, I got dressed for school, made breakfast for the kids (I didn't have an appetite myself), grabbed my school bag and dashed outside to meet Naomi at our usual spot. Images from my dream flashed through my mind, and I shook my head violently. I didn't want to face Naomi with a head full of filth. I was filthy enough. To maintain the perfect level of perversion that made it seem as if nothing had changed, I had to erase all sexual intent from my mind. I did it purely just to make Naomi laugh a bit, or maybe just cheer her up. She always found our dynamic secretly enjoyable, albeit a tad embarassing for her. As I saw her at our spot with her back to me, I jogged lightly to reach her since I knew I was running a bit behind.

"Naomi! Thanks for waiting for me!" I called out as I ran. She turned around to face the source of the voice, smiling when she saw me. There it was. A feeling of total relief washed over me, and for a moment, I felt like the old Seiko Shinohara again.

Just as quickly as it came, though, it disappeared as the demon inside me spat upon the false cleanliness I had previously felt.

All the pain and filth rushed back, and this time, it stuck despite the smile that Naomi had plastered on her face.

"Of course I waited! We always walk together!" she said, laughing. Warm brown eyes studied me for a moment before meeting my gaze. "What's up with your hair, Seiko? I've never seen you wear it like that...and your eyes! Did you sleep at all? You look exhausted!"

Giving her a cheeky smile, I replied, "Just trying something new! Going for a more casual, effortless look like those celebrities like to wear. How'd I do?"

Naomi chuckled. "Honestly? You look like you literally put zero effort into it. Did you oversleep again?"

 _The exact opposite, actually_ , I thought. Launching myself forward so that I could stuff my face between Naomi's breasts and wrap my arms around her back, I let out a fake wail. "Naomi~! So mean to me~!"

"C-cut it out Seiko, we're going to be late!" Naomi stammered, flushed but still grinning at my antics. Giving a fake pouting face, I reluctantly agreed.

"Alright..." I conceded. I released her and we began silently walking to school. Naomi kept sneaking peeks at me the whole time, though. "What is it? Do I have something on my face?" I inquired with a jovial laugh as I turned my head to face Naomi. Naomi squeaked at being caught staring, her face flushed red.

"N-no, it's just...I've never seen you with all your hair pulled back. Y-you look...really pretty." Naomi's expression shifted from embarassed to concerned. "Although, I am worried about those bags under your eyes."

"Don't you fret, babe! I am A-Ok, one hundred percent fine! Just had a rough night with the kids is all," I lied. Naomi nodded.

"Ah, I see. Must be hard trying to parent at the age of sixteen," Naomi mused. I gave a light-hearted laugh.

"Yeah, it can definitely get very, very stressful sometimes," I admitted. "You make it a lot easier to handle, though!"

Naomi raised an eyebrow as she looked at me with a curious twinkle in her eyes. I couldn't help but notice how the slight wind tousled her choppy haircut, blowing the chocolate strands around her pretty face. "How so?"

I gave her my signature cat-like grin. "Ever heard of stress balls?" I raised my hands in a groping motion as I stared hungrily at her ample chest. "You've got the two best ones on the market!"

Naomi squeaked as she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "T-they aren't on the market!"

I raised an eyebrow as my grin widened. "Oh? Are you sure?" As I slipped a hand under her crossed arms—interesting, they weren't crossed very tightly—I found my goal with practiced swiftness. Giving her soft breast a nice squeeze, I giggled. "Yup, I can feel my stress melting away!"

"Seiko!" Naomi whined as I pinned her arms in place (loosely, so she could break free whenever she wanted) with one hand and groped her repeatedly with the other. Her breasts were so soft, even the slight hindrance of her bra couldn't hide it. "S-Seiko! Cut that o-out! Hey!"

I glanced up at her face, and immediately my stomach dropped. Her eyes were squeezed shut tightly, and her face was scrunched up as she yelled. Some could consider it an erotic expression, but all I saw was pain, pain and discomfort and the desire to just _make it stop._

 _Make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop—_

I stumbled backwards, falling onto my bottom as my legs gave out. I kept seeing her expression in my mind, wondering if she had always looked like that, if the others had watched her suffer from my actions while I obliviously tortured her. I had always groped her from behind. I was despicable...I was...

My mouth moved on its own as my throat choked out one small phrase.

"I'm just like _them_."

My body trembled and my blood ran cold. I saw nothing, though my eyes were open and unblinking. My stomach heaved in disgust at myself. Suddenly, though, I was ripped from my thoughts as something warm brushed my cheek. I blinked once, twice, three times—I lost count after that. When my vision finally cleared, I saw Naomi looking at me with a concerned expression as her hand cupped my cheek. She was talking, but I couldn't hear her. I couldn't hear a word she said because as I looked down, I _saw_ the filth all over me, I saw the black, tar-like substance dripping from legs, my arms, seeping into my clothes—it was _everywhere_.

I looked up at Naomi, and I felt all the blood drain from my face. All over her were dark bruises. Blood dripped off her beautiful face, gushing from the large cut across her forehead. _No, no, not her too, not her, anyone but her, please!_

Suddenly, I heard a voice in my head. It overpowered every thought I was having in that moment and demanded silence as it said the phrase that made my heart stop beating.

 _"How could you say that when you're the one that did this?"_

I forced my stiff jaw to move as I croaked in a hoarse voice, "Get away from me."

Naomi shook her head, and I saw new bruises appear along her collarbone. My resolve strengthened. With a low, serious tone, I said, "Get away from me right now."

Naomi only moved closer. As she leaned farther forward, her shirt dipped, and I could see into it. Around her breast was a bruise in the shape of a handprint. _I did do this. I did this to her._

 _"Get off me!"_ I screamed. My voice was raw, animalistic, and out of control. I doubted she could even make out the words I just said, but my desperation but have scared her. She stumbled back, releasing me. That was all I needed.

Not even stopping to pick up my schoolbag, I got up and ran back to my house as fast as I could. This time, I did hear Naomi.

"Seiko! Come back! Seikooo!"

Although I thought my heart stopped working before, I knew that wasn't possible now as my heart clenched painfully at the despair and confusion in her voice. Endlessly apologizing to her in my head, I threw open the door to my house and ran inside, quickly locking the door. I felt like bursting into tears, only barely holding myself together until now. Just as I was about to break, I noticed the three figures in our modest kitchen. All my younger siblings were staring at me as they ate breakfast, most likely wondering why their older sister was acting so panicked. I decided that my breakdown would have to wait. Swallowing around a thick lump in my throat, I forced a smile at the kids.

"Hey, troublemakers! I'm glad to see Yuu got you all got up on time," I said in the most cheerful tone I could muster.

"What are you doing home, big sis? Don't you have school?" Yuu asked, looking concerned. It hurt me to see my nine year old brother act so mature. Yuu's childhood was cut far too short, and I had been powerless to stop it no matter how hard I tried.

"Yeah, but I just remembered I had some important errands to run before you guys get home, plus some chores that I can't put off any longer," I said, feeling even worse for lying to my siblings.

"What? No fair! I wanna stay home too!" Kei complained. Yuu raised an eyebrow.

"Really? You want to help big sis with chores?"

Kei stuck out his tongue. "Bleh, no way!"

Yuu smiled victoriously. "That's what I thought."

It took all of my willpower to not break down then and there. My family was so beautiful. I hated that I had to poison it with my filth. Instead, I forced a wider grin on my face. "Sounds like you've got everything under control, Yuu. Can you take care of Kei and Aya while I go gather my things?" My voice got shaky at the end, and I mentally cursed myself for it. Yuu probably knew something was up.

Thankfully, he didn't press. "Yeah, I've got it. We were going to leave in a few minutes anyway."

I wanted to say something more, maybe tell my siblings that I love them and give them all kisses on the cheek before they left, but all I could get out without breaking my smile and losing it was, "Great." I went upstairs to where my room was as calmly and casually as I could, but the urge to sprint was intense. When I finally, _finally_ made it to my room, I barely got the door shut before the first broken sob erupted from my lips. I dashed for a pillow and stuffed my face in it, praying with all my might it muffled the noise as I cried and wailed incontrollably.

 _I can't believe I let Naomi see me like that. I can't believe I lost it in front of her. She is the last person I would want to see that, but she saw, and she saw everything._

All my hard work had gone to waste. All my effort I used to keep her from being suspicious was for nothing. Naomi had seen the me I worked so very hard to hide, and now I would lose the woman I loved forever.

I deserved this, though. For everything I had done to her, I couldn't believe she had been by my side this long. She must've pitied me. There's no other explaination for why she endured my harassment for so long. She must have pitied me and my home situation. Naomi was the kindest person I had ever known, after all.

That thought brought on a whole new wave of sobbing. The only person who could even tolerate my crazy personality was now gone. Worse still, I was the one that ran away from her. It was my fault. Everything was my fault.

Upon having this revelation, I realized I could never tell anyone about what happened. After all...

That was my fault, too.


	2. Poison

**Author's Note** :

 _"I will erase all the parts that feel like they are filthy with my love."_

* * *

Devastation.

That was the only word I could think of that came close to expressing the way I felt. Emptiness ate away at my insides, making it increasingly harder to stay collected.

 _My fault, my fault, my fault..._

The words echoed endlessly through my mind, ricocheting off of every other negative thought that appeared. How had it come to this? When did my life go so horribly wrong? I knew the answer, but it hurt me to acknowledge it.

I blamed myself for this outcome. If only I had been stronger, if only I had been smarter, if only...if only...

 _If only I_ _never existed at all_...

I felt the filth again as it crawled under my skin and clung to my bones. I wanted to scratch it off me, but it was inside me, suffocating me as it infiltrated every crevice of my being. I hated myself for letting it in and allowing this disease to fester. Not only was I hurting my family by being unreliable and unstable, but now I had hurt Naomi, the person I loved most of all. I had hurt her the most, and that thought disturbed me so deeply I almost wished I'd never been a part of her life. Yet, I was clinging to her still. Selfishly, I was thriving on her laughs and smiles. It was as though each time I inhaled, I did so just to breathe more of her in. She was everything to me.

I loved my family, but Naomi... Naomi was so different. Just waking up and knowing that she exists ignites an explosion of butterflies in my stomach. She makes me want to become a better version of myself so that I can be whatever she wants me to be when she wants it. Just the sound of her name makes my stomach clench and my chest warm, and I wish I could whisper her perfect name into her perfect ears for hours, saying it with all the reverence I believed it deserved.

I rolled over in my bed, clutching a pillow to my stomach as I wept. If only I could tell Naomi everything, my life would be so much easier. Guilt pooled in my stomach every time she opened her heart to me and spoke of her deepest feelings and fears. Naomi trusted me, and I trusted her. So why, then, did I hide so much from her? What kind of best friend did that make me?

 _"You're not even friends after what you did, let alone 'best friends',"_ a voice in my head said. I whimpered quietly, reluctantly acknowledging the truth of the statement. Naomi probably hated me, and I had no plans to try and make her feel any different. After all, I hated myself too. How could I convince her I wasn't filthy when I couldn't even convince myself?

 _Knock, knock, knock._

"W-what..." I sniffled, hoping I was imagining that noise as I wiped at my eyes.

 _Knock, knock, knock._

Okay, it definitely wasn't my imagination; someone was knocking on the door. _Is it one of the kids? Did they forget something? No, it couldn't be, they have been gone for hours. Maybe if I just ignore the stranger they'll go away..._

 _ **Knock, knock, knock.**_

I groaned, burying my face in my pillow.

"Leave me alone, please," I begged quietly, praying the stranger would give up as I curled into a fetal position and hiccuped. A few seconds of silence passed, then a few more, and then a few more after that. I wondered if the stranger had finally given up.

 _Plink...plink...plink..._

I groaned louder this time, covering my ears. Wherever this noise was coming from sounded much closer. Why couldn't I just have a moment alone to fall apart? Why did something always interrupt?

 _Plink...plink..._

Suddenly, I realized the noise was the sound of small rocks hitting my window. I dragged myself out of bed, clutching the blankets around my shoulders and shuffling sluggishly to the window. Pulling back my curtain the tiniest bit, I snuck a peek at who was standing outside. As soon as I saw them, I gasped and immediately released the curtain. I sank to the floor with my chest heaving up and down. _No, no, no! This can't be happening! Go away!_

"Shinohara! I know you're up there!" he shouted. "Stop ignoring me, dammit!"

I heard a muffled voice outside, one I couldn't make out the words from but it was clear they were scolding him.

"Look, I'm probably not your first choice for comfort...but I'm still your friend!" It sounded like those last words were forced through gritted teeth. "God, that sounded sappy...whatever, I don't even care, just let me talk to you! If you don't, I'll just stay outside your window and keep throwing rocks!" It was a weak consequence, but I was frustrated all the same. My annoyance took hold briefly, and I tore the curtain back before opening my window forcefully and sticking my head out.

"I don't want you here _because_ we are friends! So please...p-please..." My voice cracked and I felt hot tears coming again. "Dammit, I didn't want anyone to see me like this..." I wiped my eyes before clearing my throat and continuing in the most stable voice I could muster, "Goodbye, Kishinuma."

The blonde's facial expression turned angry as he shouted, "Shinohara, don't you dare-"

"Goodbye." I moved my body back inside the house.

"Stop this-"

"Thanks for stopping by." I placed my hand on the window's handle and prepared to shut it.

"Shinohara-!"

 _ **"Seiko!"**_

Every ounce of my blood turned to ice at the sound of that voice. Naomi's voice.

"Seiko, please! Let us in!" Naomi cried desperately, sounding on the verge of tears. I tried to answer, but it felt like the air in my lungs had suddenly been sucked out, and I couldn't breathe. Naomi was outside my window. I couldn't confront her. Not like this. I'd already ruined her friendship with me, and now I was about to tarnish her memory of me as her always happy companion. It felt like the world itself was collpasing in on me. The filth beneath my skin made itself known once again, and I felt like I was dying. I almost dared to hope I was. If I died right now, I could make sure no one ever saw me like this. I swayed on my feet, and my vision got blurry. Next thing I knew, I was on the floor, barely concious. As my breath wheezed in and out of my lungs, I heard a far away call of my name. It sounded like an angel. Was it a real angel visiting me to guide me into the afterlife? I didn't know. My last thoughts before losing conciousness were of my family and the woman I loved.

I apologized to them all profusely.

* * *

As I awoke, the first thing I noticed was the sensation of a cool rag on my forehead. It felt good against my burning skin, and I let out a slight sigh of contentment.

"Nnn..." I whined quietly as the pounding headache I had aquired became known. I wrinked my aching forehead and lackadaisically brought a hand up to feel the rag resting there. _What...happened...?_

"Oi, Nakashima, she's awake." I knew that voice. Where did I know that voice from? Suddenly, icy hands pressed themselves against my feverish cheeks.

"Seiko, can you hear me? How do you feel?" That voice I had no hesitation in recognizing. Naomi's voice could rouse me from the deepest realm of sleep. I didn't even have the energy to reply, let alone panic, so I just took a deep breath in through my nose. Squinting and blinking my eyes, I eventually got them open enough to see in what felt like blinding light. I was indeed greeted with an angel, one I knew very well. She was none other than the one who brought the very heavens above down to an earthly level with just one smile.

"N-"

I couldn't finish. My throat burned with dryness, and I coughed violently. My weak hands grabbed my throat as if they could somehow quell the burning. Luckily, Naomi immediately understood what I needed.

"Kishinuma, get her some water," Naomi demanded, her concerned eyes never leaving mine. _No, please look away, I don't want you to see this,_ I thought. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to tear my gaze away from hers.

"Since when do you order me around?" Kishinuma said with annoyance. I saw Naomi straighten her back (she was previously bending over to see my face), and while I couldn't see her face past her impressive bust, I was sure she gave Yoshiki one of her signature death glares. A few seconds later, I heard Yoshiki heave a heavy sigh and leave the room. Naomi bent back down as she looked at me. Her mouth tilted downwards in a frown, and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach when I saw it.

"You're keeping things from me, Seiko. Why won't you let me help you?" Naomi asked, depserate. She touched my hand, and though I tried my best to pull mine away, Naomi wrapped her fingers around my palm and held tight. "Aren't we best friends?" Her chocolate eyes were sad as she asked that question, and it tore me apart.

I bit my bottom lip, and I felt a lump form in my throat. My ability to cover up my emotions was impaired by my overwhelming exhastion, and I felt panic building again. I closed my eyes, taking in a shaking breath. _Hold it together, Shinohara. Don't you dare let her see you cry._ I opened my eyes a few seconds later when I heard Yoshiki enter the room again.

"Here," he said curtly, handing Naomi the glass. She nodded and thanked him, letting go of my hand to take the cup of water. A part of me hoped she would spill the water so I would have an excuse not to talk. I didn't trust my voice at the moment.

"Do you need help sitting up?" Naomi inquired in a soft, kind voice. My heart throbbed; whenever she used that voice, it made me fall in love with her all over again. In all honesty, I really didn't know if I could sit up on my own, but I had to try. I didn't want her pure hands on my filthy body. I shook my head and moved my sluggish extremities against what I recognized as my bedsheets. Once I had what I hoped was a good grip, I tried sitting up. Despite my strong core muscles, I found myself struggling to get more than just my shoulders off the bed. I couldn't believe how exhasted I was. Grunting from the effort, my eyes squeezed shut and my arms shook. Suddenly, a slight pressure on my back made the task near effortless, and I managed to sit up. My eyes opened, and I realized Naomi was letting me lean on her as her own hand rested between my shoulder blades. My head sat comfortably between her breasts, but the contact that used to drive me wild in the best way now brought back a wave of guilt so powerful my body trembled.

"Take this," Naomi ordered softly, handing me the glass. I gripped it with shaking hands, and when Naomi let go, my violent trembling was exposed as the water was splashed around inside the glass that I held. Naomi was quick to grab it and hold it steady so I could take a drink, and as soon as I did I suddenly realized how parched I was. The icy cool liquid slid down my dry throat, finally quelling the burning and adding moisture back to my mouth. Unfortunately, I only got a single gulp before my shaking started to spill water from the sides of the glass. Naomi quickly set the water glass on my nightstand and enveloped me in an all encompassing embrace.

"It's okay, you're safe, I promise," she whispered, petting my hair. Naomi's fingers threaded themselves through my strands - I guessed she undid my messy bun - and carressed my scalp. Her scent flooded my nostrils, and for a moment I was in pure bliss. Unfortunately, her fingers caught on one of the many knots in my hair, and not knowing any better, she tugged ever-so-gently to remove it.

It wasn't gentle enough.

All of a sudden, I felt the flith seeping out of my every pore, and terror told hold of my heart. My breathing got faster and my body trembled even more violently in fear. I was suddenly taken back to the night it all happened, and I was reminded of how my scalp stung from the constant hair yanking.

My voice started out so weak I couldn't even hear it, but it progressively got louder as I grew more desperate. "N-n-no...please...g-get off me...!" A sob tore itself from my throat, and my unblinking eyes ceased to see anything but my own flashback. I saw everything like a slideshow, but I _felt_ everything all at once. Hair pulling. Bruising grip. Choking. Glass shards in my back. Head trauma. "It hurts! _It hurts!_ "

I didn't know if Naomi was even touching me anymore. I wasn't in my house. I was back in that street alley, lying on the rough pavement and surrounded by a dark silhouette. Yet again, I felt like I was dying.

 _Slap!_

A sharp stinging sensation brought me back to the present, and I brought a hand to my aching cheek in a daze. Standing before me was a blonde delinquent with a strange, indecipherable expression and a single hand raised. A small angry brunette I recognized as Naomi yelled at him while pulling at his shirt, which looked somewhat comical given their height difference.

"Kishinuma! How could you?" Naomi cried. "Seiko was already in so much pain-"

"T-thank you, Kishinuma," I stammered weakly, catching my breath. I was determined not to pass out again, though I did feel very, very dizzy. Naomi quieted immediately.

"Seiko, are you...okay?" the brunette asked tentatively, reaching out a hand like she wanted to touch me but was too afraid to make contact.

I took a few deep breaths, enjoying the feeling of having air in my lungs. "Yeah." As I chose my next words carefully, I realized a part of me was broken. My usual class clown persona was not switching on like it usually would. In fact, it wasn't just a part of me; _I_ was broken. My personality was not there, and none of my usual quick wit was to be found. Making a single coherent sentence was extremely difficult. "I'm...I just...words..." I took a deep breath, rubbing my face in frustration. "I can't, I'm sorry."

Naomi gave me a sympathetic smile. "It's okay. One word at a time, alright?" I nodded, and I felt a sharp pang in my heart at how understanding she was being. This was all way out of character for me, and yet, she wasn't phased. I had always thought she kept me close because I was goofy and fun, but now...now I was realizing I was a lot more to her than that. _Why did I ever think I couldn't trust her with this?_

Naomi continued, "What do you need right now?"

I was silent for a moment as I tried to decide how to respond. As filth ate away at my flesh, only one word came to mind. "Bath. I need...I need to get it off me..." Each word was deliberate and slow, but at least I was forming sentences.

Naomi looked confused. "Get what off you? You look clean to me." I rubbed the cracked, raw skin on my knuckles nervously, and to my dismay, Naomi noticed. "Oh my god, Seiko, your hands! What happened?"

I looked away, unable to come up with a decent excuse. Luckily, I didn't have to. Or at least, I thought it was lucky at the time. Naomi and I both turned to face Yoshiki as he stood up suddenly, his form tense and stiff. He paced a with an unreadable expression before biting out words that made my stomach drop all the way to my feet.

"When did they do it?"

My eyes widened, and I felt my heart drumming painfully against my small ribcage. "Wh-what do you mean?"

Yoshiki's voice had barely been controlled before, but now his underlying burning rage was leaking into his words. "Don't play dumb with me, Shinohara. You knew what I meant." He stopped pacing and looked at Naomi, then me, then Naomi again. I was sure my face looked absolutely horrified. "Is it because Nakashima is here that you can't answer?"

"That's ridiculous!" Naomi said. "I'm her best friend; why would she keep secrets from me?"

Yoshiki shrugged. "Embarrassment, self-blame, fear of being viewed differently, fear of being hated...there's plenty of reasons." The blonde paused and looked me dead in the eyes. "At least, that's what I gathered when my sister Miki was-"

"He's right!" I said, covering my face as hot tears formed in my eyes. I didn't want to look Naomi in the eye when I said any of this. I drew my knees to my chest defensively. "He's right: I don't want you to know."

"Seiko," Naomi murmured, sounding sad. "Please, let me help. I promise I won't think differently of you." She sounded so genuine, I couldn't help the choked sob that tore out of my throat.

"I want to tell you so b-bad," I said through my tears. "I-I've been wanting to t-tell you since it h-happened!" My fingers curled against my forehead as my palms covered my leaking eyes. "I just c-can't. E-everything Kishinuma said is t-true." I hiccuped as I cried, feeling very embarrassed at my emotional breakdown. "I c-can't even look at y-you right now b-because I'm so a-ashamed...I'm s-sorry, Naomi."

I could practically feel Naomi's stubbornness kick in, and I braced myself. I curled up even more into a ball, resting my forehead on my knees and keeping my face hidden behind my hair and hands. However, she never got a single word out. I heard Yoshiki whisper something into Naomi's ear, but I couldn't make out the words. All I heard was the follow up.

"...I'll give you two a minute," Naomi said in a tired, defeated voice. I felt so guilty as I heard her leave. I wanted nothing more than to chase her down and hug her and remind her that I cared, but I knew I couldn't do that with the way I was now. After I heard the door close behind Naomi, Yoshiki broke the silence.

"Shinohara, look at me."

Deciding I had nothing left to lose, I slowly lifted my head and wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands. Yoshiki had his arms crossed, and he sat down in front of me.

Looking directly into my puffy reddened eyes, he said, "Tell me his name so I can fuck him up."

I didn't see a point in playing dumb. He clearly knew. "How did you know what happened to me? I thought...I thought I covered it up pretty well."

Yoshiki shrugged. "You did. I had suspicions for a while; you suddenly came to school looking much stiffer than you usually did. Then, when I looked closer, I saw some bruises on your leg before you adjusted your sock again. I thought maybe things at home were rough, but once Nakashima told me how you acted this morning, I knew you were just like Miki. It made me so angry I had to know who did it so I could beat the shit out of him." Yoshiki clenched his hands into fists.

"Who's...Miki?" I asked tentatively. Yoshiki sighed.

"My kid sister. She's middle school age, but pretty mature anyway." Yoshiki's features grew dark. "I'll never forget the night she was raped." He stood up, pacing with his shoulders tense. "My parents ignored the call from the hospital, so I came to get her. She wasn't hurt too badly physically, but mentally...mentally she was a wreck. Doc said Miki had post traumatic stress disorder or something, and it definitely showed. She started having panic attacks over the smallest things, and she didn't even tell me what happened for the longest time because she was so ashamed of something that wasn't even her fault. It pisses me off just thinking about it." He stopped pacing. "I found the bastard, though. Fucked him up pretty bad, but it still wasn't as much as he fucked up my sister. Miki's recovering still, but she can handle life now.

"You, Shinohara...you're never going to get better if you try to take this on yourself. Your symptoms will only get worse if you keep this to yourself. You need to tell Nakashima." Yoshiki sat down again and looked at me expectantly, waiting for a response.

"I'm...so sorry about your sister," I whispered, unable to imagine going through what I did so young. "She's incredible for being able to recover at all." Silence passed between us, and Yoshiki frowned.

"Thanks, but this isn't about her. I didn't skip work today for nothing, Shinohara. You're my friend and...damn it, I...I want to help someone for once in my life." I looked away.

"You don't understand, Kishinuma," I said in a hoarse voice. "It's not just the panic attacks holding me down. I can't stop washing myself because I never feel clean. I can't touch Naomi anymore because I'm scared I'll somehow make her filthy like me. And...and...it was my fault, anyway. It was my fault it happened." The words wheezed out of my lungs, and I felt short of breath as I said them. I couldn't believe I just admitted to what happened.

Yoshiki made an annoyed noise. "How the hell is it your fault?"

"I..." There was a pause before I continued,"I guess if I was stronger or smarter I could've avoided it somehow...or if I wore more modest clothing maybe..."

"Stop right there." I looked at him and saw understanding in his eyes, but also annoyance. "It's not your fault. It's the fault of whoever hurt you. Also, you're not filthy, so stop pushing Nakashima away. She cares about you, so let her help you. If you have anyone in your family who you think can understand and will help, let them help too." The blonde delinquent smashed his fist into his own open palm. "And tell me who the hell he was so I can beat him to a pulp."

"You can't do that!" I cried. My sudden outburst seemed to intrigue Kishinuma, and I quickly tried to fix the damage I had done. "I-I mean...it was dark...i-it could have been a-anyone." My voice was weak as I lied as smoothly as I could. I knew it wasn't convincing in the slightest, so Kishinuma's scoff came as no surprise.

"I thought I told you to cut the bullshit, Shinohara." He sighed. "Be honest. Why don't you want to tell me?"

"Because," I said in a horse voice. "He...he didn't know what he was doing..."

"Bull. Shit." Kishinuma's voice was harsh and bitter. "Nobody commits rape not knowing what they are doing. Why are you defending him?"

"He's young Kishinuma! He's only 17! He didn't mean to!" I closed my eyes, visualizing the group of boys. "The other boys he was with...they must have a strong influence on him. I'm sure he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't peer pressured." I took a shaky breath. I hated him for what he did, but I hated blaming him even more. I just wanted to move on and forget.

"Fine, Shinohara. If you want to teach him that it's alright to rape high school girls because they won't tell anyone, then you can be my guest. I'm just wasting time if this is how you're going to be. Call me if you want some justice." Kishinuma stood up to leave, and as he opened the door, he said, "At least talk to Nakashima. You're being a coward, and it doesn't suit you."

With that, the door slammed shut and Yoshiki was gone. A few seconds later, I heard a knock on the door.

"Seiko? Are you okay?"

No. "Yes."

"Can I...come in?"

There was a pause before I answered, "Yeah."

With a small creak, my bedroom door opened to reveal the worried visiage of my best friend and love interest. She seemed hesitant to move once she stepped inside. Slowly and carefully, Naomi asked, "Is it okay if I shut the door?"

I nodded.

Once the door was shut, she walked over to my bed. Her sweet scent invaded my nostrils and made me shiver.

"May I sit on your bed with you?"

"You don't have to keep asking, Naomi. You can do whatever you want."

Naomi blushed. "Sorry, it's just...I didn't realize about the hair pulling, and I don't want to accidentally remind you of whatever happened again..."

I felt guilty for talking to her like she was being silly. She was actually being very considerate, as usual. I lowered my eyes. "No, I'm sorry Naomi. I know you just want to help me. I'm sorry for being cryptic, but it's just so hard to talk about. I'm...trying to find a way to get the words out."

Suddenly, I felt a warmth on my hand. I looked over and saw Naomi's hand resting on top of mine. When I looked at her, her eyes were shining with compassion. "You don't have to tell me right now if you aren't ready. Take your time," she said in a soft voice. Quoting me from just moments ago, Naomi whispered, "You can do whatever you want."

My eyes watered at her kindness, and I bit my cheek to keep myself from telling her to not touch me. "Thank you," I finally wheezed out. There was a moment of silence, and I considered staying silent. My real desire was selfish, and I didn't want to tell her. However, Yoshiki's words about my cowardice echoed in my mind, and I decided that he was right. Taking a shaky breath in, I said my next words as fast as I could so I wouldn't have time to second guess myself. "IwantahugbutI'mscaredoftouchingyouand—"

"Whoa there, Seiko!" Naomi interrupted. Her fingers were resting upon my lips to silence me, and the urge to do something very lewd hit me hard. I prayed she couldn't feel how heavy my breathing had just become. A tsunami of shame and guilt crashed over me for thinking those thoughts, but amidst the waves of negative emotions I struggled to ignore the feeling of her cool fingers pressing against my dry lips. Finally, after a what was probably just a few seconds despite feeling like an eternity, Naomi removed her fingers. "You're going to have to repeat that, and a _lot_ slower, too."

I nodded, trying to catch my breath before attempting speech. "I want a hug, but I'm scared of touching you, and—"

"Why are you scared?" Naomi interrupted again. She knew me too well to let me continue; to be blunt, I tended to add a lot of bullshit to the end of my "serious" sentences.

Again, I looked away. "I guess it's because...um...I just...maybe—"

I never got to finish my sentence because Naomi immediately wrapped me in a tight embrace. Her scent was suffocating me in the sweetest way, and her soft body molded against mine perfectly. Tears formed in my eyes at the sensation; it was everything I had wanted and everything I had dreaded all at once. My arms hung limply at my sides as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"I'm okay. You're okay. We're touching and we're both okay. There's nothing to be scared of, Seiko," Naomi whispered. A broken sob burst from my lips, and I buried my face in her shoulder. I wasn't okay at all. _This_ wasn't okay at all. I was being irresponsible by touching her when she had no idea the kind of filth that stuck to me. I was contaminating her, _poisoning_ her, but my own damned selfishness took hold and refused to relinquish control. My limp arms suddenly moved of their own will and wrapped around her as tightly as they were able, My hands were gripping desperately at the fabric of her shirt as I wept loudly.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, hiccuping a few times. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"

"Shhh," Naomi whispered gently, rubbing my back. "I'm here now. You don't have to suffer alone anymore."

* * *

 **Author's Note** : If you're still reading this, thank you so much! I worked so hard on this update; I think I deleted and rewrote this chapter four or five times (and I still don't love it). It would mean a lot if you could leave some feedback. Tell me what it made you feel, whether or not you liked it, or maybe just tell me what you think of my writing? Those are just some suggestions...it really means the world to me when you all review, especially since this fic is particularly difficult for me to write and I was scared of posting it for a long time. I hope I'm doing okay communicating how terrible mental illness can be.

Also, if you were wondering, the quotes I post before the chapter starts are things my girlfriend said to me when I went through all of this. Her patience, kindness, and gentle encouragement is the reason I was able to write this in the first place.

Thank you for reading, and see you in the next chapter!

-Em


	3. Glass

_"Take as much time as you need."_

"There, there. Let it all out."

I couldn't tell how long I'd been crying uncontrollably into Naomi's shoulder. It felt as if it had been hours, though I highly doubted that was true. Slowly, my hiccups got further and further apart and my breathing gradually stabilized. When I was finally inhaling and exhaling properly, my grip on Naomi's shirt weakened and my arms felt heavy from exhaustion.

"I bet all that crying tired you out, hm?" she said quietly. I didn't want to tell her that it was actually my many sleepless nights that made me so tired. Regardless, Naomi continued, "You mentioned a bath earlier-how about we start there? Maybe once you're clean you'll be able to calm down and rest a bit. I'll even wash your back for you if you want."

What should've sounded like a dream come true instead sounded like a nightmare. I imagined her reaction to seeing all my scars.

 _"Ew, what the—what's wrong with your back? It's disgusting!" Naomi said, gagging a little. "Cover it up! It's ugly!"_

Again, though, Kishinuma's advice reverberated in my mind. If I didn't start taking steps to allow Naomi into my life, I could very well lose her. Also, I felt like if I turned down her offer, I was letting my inner demons win.

 _"You're not filthy, so stop pushing Nakashima away."_

 _"You're not filthy."_

 _ **"You're not filthy."**_

It suddenly hit me that Yoshiki knew the truth, and yet, he still didn't think I was filthy or gross. In fact, the entire premise of the filth that plagued me was in my own mind. The filth was never tangible, it was simply something I mentally adopted as my own personal demon. It was my own creation, but I had fed it and let it grow to the point where it felt like its own entity. If I created it, I should be able to destroy it, right? If that was true, then I had to stop feeding the filth on me. It fed on my fear and insecurity. It thrived on my lone suffering. I had enabled it to become as big a problem as it had. If I shut out Naomi, I'd be doing exactly what this personal demon wanted.

I was done playing into the hands of this intangible filth.

"Yes," I said in a quiet voice. After clearing my throat, I continued more confidently. "I think that's a good idea." Naomi finally released me from our embrace, and as she pulled away to look at me I realized she was smiling. What a beautiful smile she had.

"I'm proud of you, Seiko," she said. "It's scary to let people see you vulnerable. Thank you for trusting me." With that, a warm feeling blossomed in my chest, and I felt like I had finally made a good decision for the first time in a while.

I smiled back at Naomi tentatively, knowing she probably saw every ounce of fear in my eyes. The brunette, in turn, got off the bed and then grabbed my hand to pull me up. As she did so, I felt the filth crawling over me, telling me to let go of her hand so that she'd be spared from my plague. However, I already decided I was done giving into this filth. It didn't matter how uncomfortable it made me. I had to do this. So, I held her hand tighter. Immediately, an invisible weight was lifted off my chest as I realized Naomi was right. I was touching her and we were both okay.

Hand in hand, we walked to the bathroom. I noticed the old innocent butterflies I used to feel from touching Naomi were back. The filth tried to poison and kill them, but I refused to let it. Instead of pitying myself and my struggle, I told myself it was okay to struggle and still feel this way about someone else. It was okay to not feel like I deserved her. That just meant I had to try harder to conquer this filth and become a woman worthy of her love. It was hard to give myself permission to be loved by her, platonic or not, but I knew it was crucial that I did it.

As we stood in the changing portion of the bathroom, I stood awkwardly until Naomi spoke up.

"Aren't you going to get undressed, Seiko?" she asked, curious. "What is it, are you embarrassed about your body now or something?"

I stayed silent as I gathered my thoughts. Of course she was confused; I should've expected and prepared for this. "Normal" Seiko would've had both herself and Naomi in the bathwater by now, proudly displaying every inch of her skin as her hands sought perverted contact. However, currently, I was standing fully clothed with Naomi, strangely at a loss for words.

Finally, I took a deep breath and spoke. "Please don't think I'm disgusting," I whispered.

Naomi shook her head. "I could never. Do you need help getting undressed?" Yet again, I didn't know what to say. Naomi gave me another sympathetic smile before adding, "Here, let me get the hot water ready while you decide on what you need."

When Naomi came back, I gave her my answer. "I want to try to do it myself, but if I freeze halfway, please help me. Don't let me run. Just...be gentle with me, okay?"

She nodded in understanding before starting to get undressed. I took a slow, deep inhale before beginning the undressing process myself. I was still wearing my school uniform (minus the shoes), so I started with my socks. Grasping the knitted fabric with shaky hands, I slid the garment down my slender calves and off my foot in one fluid movement. My shaking was getting worse by the second; memories of that terrible night were beginning to come back. As my trembling fingers searched for the zipper of my skirt, I was reminded of how that boy's own shaky fingers had searched for a similar zipper and pulled it down despite my muffled screams of protest. _Deep breaths_ , I reminded myself. _That's over. You're with Naomi now. Naomi wants to help. You have to let Naomi help_. I took a moment to catch my breath and slow my racing heart.

"Seiko?" Naomi called gently. I looked up and saw her in just a bra and her skirt. "Are you alright?"

Averting my eyes, I swallowed nervously before replying. "Yes. I just needed a moment." With another large inhale, I finally managed to unzip my skirt and let it fall to the tile floor. Once it was off, I exhaled all the air I'd been holding in, almost slumping over in relief. I longed for the warm water once cool air began biting at my exposed legs, but to get to it I needed to finish undressing. Only my shirt, bra, and panties were left. I wanted to just get it over with, but I couldn't. My limbs locked in place and fear turned my entire body ice cold. I could only think of how hideous my scars were and the various negative ways Naomi could react. My trembling grew worse still, and tears formed in my eyes again.

A warm hand on my cheek made my head snap up from gazing blankly at the floor. I saw Naomi's chocolate gaze bore into mine, and I felt myself melt. I loved Naomi. I loved her more than anyone. For that very reason, I was also terrified of showing her this more than I would be with anyone else.

Naomi asked the same gentle question. "Are you alright, Seiko?" Feeling a few tears escape, I quickly closed my eyes and hugged myself while shaking my head. Despite my best attempts, a choked sob slipped out that rattled my entire form.

"No, no, I'm sorry, forget what I said, I can't do this, I need to leave-"

"You know I can't let you do that," Naomi said, cutting me off. Though I couldn't see due to my eyes being shut, I felt Naomi move closer as her arms snaked around my back to grab the hem of my shirt. She hesitated, seemingly feeling guilty about how terrified I was, but she was still doing exactly what I told her to. As always, Naomi never went back on her word, and she had promised to do this for me.

When I felt the shirt inch up my back, my watering eyes opened and my hands suddenly latched onto Naomi's forearms, preventing her from lifting it any further. I stared at her, my eyes screaming desperation as I pleaded, "Please, Naomi, don't do this! Please! I-I take back what I said! I don't want to do this anymore!"

Naomi had a sad expression on her face, but she didn't back off, only leaned in further. Now that my hands weren't blocking my own torso, I felt Naomi's entire upper body press into me as she leaned, her breasts only separated from my skin by the thin fabric of my shirt. My head ended up on her shoulder as she moved closer to me, and it was only then that I noticed her bare curves. I had spent so long worrying about myself I didn't even notice that she had finished undressing. Now that I saw, though, warm and familiar feelings spread through my body once again. I could never explain this feeling well, but it was sort of a mix of primal desire and loving reverence. Whatever the feeling was, it caught me off guard and my body relaxed a bit. Naomi used this moment to swiftly pull my shirt up and over my head while stepping back to make sure it came off completely. The second I felt it come off, a small scream left my lips. I tried to back up into the wall to distance myself, but Naomi grabbed my wrist.

"You told me not to let you run," she said, her voice equal parts compassionate and stern. "Let me take care of you, Seiko. Please."

Perhaps it was the tone of Naomi's voice, or perhaps I was simply too emotionally exhausted to resist. Either way, my body slumped forward into Naomi's embrace, and I let her practically carry me to the bathing stool. I was sure my gaze looked as empty as I felt. I barely noticed her unhooking my bra and pulling off my panties. Naomi's touch was gentle as she did so, just as I had asked her to be. However, it didn't calm my racing heart since I knew she was still only seeing my front. Feeling numb, I watched Naomi carefully set down my undergarments with our other clothes and walk back. My body wasn't even reacting to the sight of Naomi's flawless figure, simply because fear had overtaken every muscle and artery in my body. I heard the scraping of a bath stool being moved behind me for Naomi to sit on when she washed my back. I felt the shaking return with a vengeance, and I dug my fingernails into my thighs as I sat on my own bath stool. If Naomi hadn't already caught a glimpse, she definitely could see now that she was settling herself on her seat. I held my breath and waited one second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Four seconds. Why wasn't she reacting?

"I'm going to wash your back now, okay Seiko?" Naomi said, placing a wet hand on my shoulder. I blinked multiple times and exhaled the breath I was holding. I tried to catch my breath and still my trembling, but I couldn't. Naomi didn't say anything. Was that better? Worse? I couldn't tell.

"N-Naomi...my back...it doesn't b-bother you?" I stammered nervously, the nails on my thighs drawing blood now as they curled.

"Why would I be bothered?" Naomi asked before allowing her hand to roam freely across my flawed flesh with an ever so gentle touch. I shivered, and this time it was not out of fear.

"My scars..."

"What about them?"

"Don't they...disgust you?"

I heard Naomi sigh, and then suddenly I was receiving a very warm and soft hug from behind.

"Is that what this was all about? You thought I would run after I saw your scars?" Naomi asked in her quietest voice.

"Kind of," I admitted, equally as quiet. I looked down in guilt, but Naomi's arms only squeezed tighter around me.

"Honestly, seeing your back did scare me, but I didn't want to ask because I figured it was part of the story you aren't ready to tell me. Am I wrong?"

"No..." I trailed off and fell silent. "Naomi...what if I'm never ready to tell you what happened?"

Moving her mouth next to my ear, Naomi whispered, "I'll love you no matter what."

Suddenly, my face was flaming hot and red as a beet. Did she even realize what she was doing to me? "Th-thanks, Naomi," I said, breathless.

Naomi giggled. "No need to thank me. I'm just being honest." She paused for a moment to begin lathering up my back before continuing, "Have you been eating? I don't remember seeing you bring lunch lately." Lithe fingers trailed down my spine, sending shivers up the back of my neck.

The combination of Naomi's hands massaging my back and her close proximity made me squirm on the bath stool I was sitting on. "Um...a little."

"I'll make you a big meal after our bath, okay? You can eat until you're full." Her hands traced the outline of my ribcage that had become distractingly prominent. "I'll bring two lunches to school from now on, as well."

"Thank you." Tears welled up in my eyes yet again. _I'll do my best to keep it down,_ I thought. Suddenly, Naomi pressed a little too hard and pain shot through my nerve endings. I cried out, unable to contain myself. Naomi gasped and immediately removed her hands.

"Seiko! I'm sorry! I didn't realize-"

"It's okay, Naomi," I said through gritted teeth. Breathing through the pain, I slumped over my stool while holding my stomach.

"You're bleeding! Wait...is that...glass?" I was in too much pain to reply. The doctor had told me that since I had tried to treat my wounds at home, my injuries had healed with glass inside them. He offered to perform surgery to take it out, but to do so I needed my father's consent. Obviously, that was out of the question. I felt Naomi try to gently touch the wound, and I flinched away.

"Ow!"

"Just breathe, Seiko. I have to catch the glass so we don't step on it." I knew that voice, it was Naomi's "nurse" voice. She always gets that way when anyone is injured.

I inhaled shakily before nodding and letting Naomi proceed. Guilt flooded my conscious as I thought about how nice everything was going until now. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I sniffed, feeling tears spill over. "For everything."

* * *

 _Author's Note: Hey, if you're still reading this, thank you so much. As you can imagine, it's a very hard story to write. If you enjoyed, please leave a review, it means the world to me and puts a smile on my face._

 _See you in the next chapter_


	4. Kisses

Strawberries. Chapstick. Chocolate soda. Mint.

I tasted all of it on her lips, each and every flavor dancing to the tune of her song.

She smelled wonderful, like a floral breeze in the middle of spring gently wafting into my senses. It caressed my nostrils with the soft reminder of the bath we had taken together.

Was this real? How could it be?

As if reading my mind, I felt a gentle pinch on my arm, a loving squeeze on my hand. It said everything I needed to hear.

 _This is real. I'm here with you. I love you. It's okay._

Naomi was kissing me. I was kissing Naomi.

How did this happen?

* * *

We finished bathing in silence. Naomi washed my body with utmost care, possessing the gentlest touch my abused skin had felt since the incident. She didn't ask if I would wash her in return, for which I was grateful. I was terrified of touching her that intimately yet I wouldn't have been able to refuse her either. Naomi must've known. She retrieved our towels without saying a word, gently draping mine around my shivering shoulders.

"Thank you," I said in a hoarse voice. When she still didn't reply, I asked the question that burned inside me. "Are you…angry at me?"

"Not at all," came the immediate answer from behind. I exhaled loudly. "Sorry for scaring you, I was lost in thought."

I turned around to face her. Naomi was holding her towel tight to her chest, staring at the floor where droplets of water were landing as they fell from the strands of her hair. "Penny for your thoughts?" I asked in a quiet voice. She looked up, chocolate gaze melting into mine. A smile ghosted her lips, quiet and small. I felt a warmth blossom in my chest.

"I'm happy, being here with you. Seeing your back, knowing that an injury like that could've killed you, but it didn't...I'm just really happy being here with you." She kneeled in front of me, eyes shining with honesty and a glimmer of tears. She grabbed my hand. "I'm very happy you're here, Seiko."

My heart felt like it was pounding out my chest while thumping wildly against my ribcage. A genuine grin broke out on my face for the first time in a long while. The familiar lump formed in my throat, but for once, it wasn't from sadness. "I'm very happy you're here too, Naomi."

There it was. A fully unrestrained Naomi smile, full of assurance and love and everything right in the world. Warmth exploded through my whole body, and I felt like everything was going to be okay. I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could find the courage to tell her. I could take the power back. I could confide in the person I loved. I could banish the feeling of filth and start again. Maybe.

Just as quickly as it came, though, it was gone. Naomi's smile really was like a drug to me. I longed to chase that high again. It was times like these that I remembered why I became the class clown in the first place. It was all for that smile of hers.

"Naomi, you need clothes don't you? You can borrow some of mine," I told her. She nodded.

"Yeah, thank you." Silence settled between us as Naomi looked down at herself and then at me, seemingly just now noticing how naked we both were. A blush spread across her face as her eyes wandered my body. I watched as she clutched her towel noticeably tighter and squirmed. "Um…right! I'll...I'll get our clothes. Be right back." As she turned to leave, I couldn't help but add the phrase that slipped out.

"Uh, wait! Naomi!" She paused. "I mean...we don't really _need_ clothes. It's a pretty long trip back to my room, you know. I don't mind this in the least." It felt weird to joke around again, but I wanted to see her smile.

At first, it was silent, and I feared I had made a mistake. Then, I saw Naomi's shoulders shake ever so slightly, and giggles began to bubble out her mouth. She turned around, laughing freely with a beautiful smile. "That's my Seiko," she said, eyes shining. "You're right, it's a long trip, so c'mere goofball. Gimme a hug before I go."

I still felt awkward, timid, and shy. I still felt like something was wrong with me. However, the bath had soothed me, and being washed by Naomi had helped to reaffirm that there was nothing wrong with us touching. There was work to be done, but I knew that I was making strides in the right direction. That alone made me feel better. So, I walked over to Naomi and wrapped her in my tightest embrace. As Naomi returned it, I felt warmth seep into every inch of my skin. Yoshiki was right: I needed Naomi to help me heal. I needed to let her in. I made my decision in that moment.

"Naomi?"

"Yes, Seiko?"

"I want to tell you."

Naomi stiffened, then pulled away from our hug to look me in the eyes. Her hands held my shoulders as she gave me her most serious look. "You don't have to, Seiko. There really isn't a rush."

I gave her a small, nervous smile. "I know I don't have to. I want to. I want you to know what happened."

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure." Also very nauseated, but she didn't need to know that.

"Okay. Let's talk about it after I make you some food. Clothes first, then food, then we talk."

"Sounds good."

* * *

I thought having all that time to prepare would've been enough, but deep down, I knew it would never be enough time. As we sat on my bed in my room facing one another, our bodies now clothed and our bellies now fed, I realized she was probably waiting for me to say something.

"Um...should I start?"

"If you want to. I'm here to listen. Silence is okay if you need a moment."

I nodded, then tentatively reached for her hand. She met me in the middle, wrapping her cold fingers around my clammy hands. I no longer felt filthy when she did this. That revelation gave me hope. I only prayed that when I told her the truth, she didn't think differently of me.

"Naomi?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me…promise me you'll still be my friend no matter what. It's okay if you think I'm filthy, just...please stay by my side."

Naomi's eyes were vulnerable and open. There were no secrets between us. "I could never think you were filthy, first of all. Second of all, I promise I'll always be with you. Even if you get tired of me, I'll stay by your side until the end. You need me, and I need you. We're a team."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "Thank you."

Naomi gave my hand a squeeze. "You're welcome."

I inhaled shakily, wondering how to begin and praying I didn't have a panic attack from reliving the experience. Naomi's presence did help calm my nerves, but the traumatized parts of me feared this story with every fiber of their being. This was not going to be easy. "Where do I even start?"

"How about the beginning?"

I nodded. "Okay. It all started with a trip to the store. Dad said he needed me to run some errands…"

 _"I'll be back before you know it! Love you!" I shouted, skipping out the door happily. It was going to be a pretty quick trip and the weather was nice. I enjoyed running errands on days like this._

 _I whistled as I skipped through the streets, certain that nothing could ruin my good mood. Naomi had smiled for me so much today. I was high on my love for her._

 _So high on my own love that I didn't notice I was being followed._

 _I made it safely to the convenience store, barely noticing how dark it had gotten outside. It didn't take long to ring up my purchases and get back on my merry way. Once I was outside, only then did I notice dusk had settled in. Deciding I wanted to be home before it got too dark, I took a shortcut I had taken dozens of times before. From time to time I'd be scolded by my dad for using it, but I figured what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Nothing bad has ever happened to me before, so why should now be any different?_

 _I thought I imagined it at first: muffled voices, darting shadows, swift figures. I didn't think much of it. However, the voices became louder, the shadows grew larger, the figures drew closer. I tried to speed up, but it felt as though I was being closed in on from every angle. Growing paranoid, I started to run. That's when I found myself slamming into something, or rather, someone. I fell backwards, hard. My bag of groceries flew from my hand._

 _"Where do you think you're going, huh?" a voice sneered. My body began to shake against my will, and I squinted in the darkness._

 _"Who are you? What do you want?"_

 _"You're Seiko Shinohara, aren't you?" Another voice. My question was ignored._

 _"Who's asking?" I barked, sitting up. I couldn't see anything. I decided my groceries would have to get left behind; all that mattered now was getting away from these people._

 _"That's her alright. Oi, Seiko—"_

 _"Don't call me by my first name, asshole. I don't know you."_

 _It was so quick I didn't have time to react. A kick to my stomach knocked me flat onto my back, and the wind left my lungs. I wheezed for air. I barely noticed I was lying on my grocery bag full of broken glass bottles._

 _"I'll call you what I want, bitch. As I was saying, our friend here has a problem. You see, he's still a virgin. A seventeen year old boy, still a virgin! Isn't that embarrassing? Don't you feel sorry for him?"_

 _"Not really," I growled. My heart was racing, and my stomach ached. I felt like my ribs had cracked. I couldn't focus on that, however, because someone grabbed my hair and pulled so hard they probably ripped out a decent chunk. I howled in pain._

 _"Why do you want this bitch, Ren? My ears are bleeding just listening to her."_

 _"We didn't bring him here to talk with her, you know. Who cares if she has a smart mouth? She'll shut up sooner or later."_

 _"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked in a careful tone. I was scared. They had already proved they can and will hurt me._

 _"Are you deaf, Seiko? Our friend is a seventeen year old virgin. You're going to help him get rid of that embarrassing title. Be thankful; we're gonna help you get rid of yours too." Oh, no. Oh no, no, no. My first time was for Naomi. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be._

 _"I don't want to. Please let me go."_

 _"You're kind of cute when you beg. Ren, can I have a turn with her when you're done?"_

 _"Back off," Ren said. I felt a hand stroke my cheek, and I whimpered. "Shh, it's okay. I'll be gentle. I like you, after all." Tears slid down my cheeks. I was frozen with fear. I couldn't run, I couldn't even stand. I was trapped._

 _"Please, no, let me go! I don't want this!"_

 _"The less you struggle, the easier this will be, Seiko."_

 _"Stop!"_

 _"Calm down."_

 _"Don't tell me to calm down!" I lashed out wildly and dug my nails deep into flesh. "Let me go!"_

 _It all happened very quickly. Fingers tangled in my hair, yanking my head up and slamming it back down on the concrete. There was another blow to my stomach and then a foot placed itself on my chest and pushed. Pain unlike any I'd ever known exploded through my back as shards of glass embedded themselves deep in my flesh. I couldn't even scream. The only sound that came out was a wet gargle and a cough. The pain made me dizzy. I tasted blood in my throat._

 _"Hold her down! Ren, you get to it."_

 _The rest happened as I faded in and out of consciousness, tears streaming down my face from a mixture of horror and pain. As fate would have it, I was just barely aware enough to feel it all happening. Shaky fingers sliding off my skirt, lifting my shirt, tearing my bra, ripping my panties. I was being violated, filthy hands poisoning me with every touch. I prayed to any higher power out there to just kill me. I wanted to be dead. It would've been better than feeling every inch of my skin being violated as my virginity was stolen from me. What should've been a tender intimate experience was now a dirty public spectacle. The hands that held me down only further pushed the glass into my back. Did they know I was bleeding, or did they not care so long as their grimy hands were on my chest and their filthy tongues were violating my mouth?_

 _"It hurts! Stop! It hurts!" I screamed out the same words every time my mouth was spared from the torture, which, honestly, wasn't very often._

 _Everything I had saved myself for was robbed of me that night. My first kiss was stolen, my virginity brutally taken. Not an inch of me was left untouched. I stared at the moon, wondering if my life would be taken too. I lost so much blood I didn't have the strength to fight. I didn't even have the strength to keep my eyes open._

 _"Please kill me," I whispered. "Please kill me." My eyes closed, and I felt the strength leave my body fully._

 _"Seiko? Fuck! Wake up! Hey!"_

 _Naomi...I'm scared...I'm not really ready to die...I wanted to see you one last time…Naomi...I love you…_

* * *

Sobs rattled my entire form as I finished telling what had happened. It felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room, and I couldn't breathe. Naomi kept me grounded, just barely in the present, but that didn't mean I wasn't deeply shaken every time I thought about that night. Her arms around me were the only things that kept me from slipping into a panic attack.

"I couldn't stop them, Naomi!" I sobbed, burying my face in her shoulder. "I'm so sorry for keeping it from you! I was so ashamed that I couldn't bring myself to tell you!"

"Shh, shh." Naomi rubbed my back soothingly. "You don't have to be sorry for anything. I understand why you kept it from me. You're the strongest person I know, Seiko, but even you can't go through this alone. Thank you for letting me in. You can count on me."

I wailed loudly, unable to contain myself. The pain and sorrow in my heart was absolutely overwhelming, and Naomi's kindness only made me more emotional. I knew I was safe now, but the fresh reminder of the experience was too much to bear, at least, it was too much to bear alone. I slumped forward into Naomi's embrace, allowing the gentle stroking of her hand to soothe me.

"They took so many important things from me," I whispered, hiccupping. "I wanted to save myself, and now...now…!"

"They didn't take anything," Naomi corrected in a stern voice. "Your first kiss and your first time...only you can give those away. You have to choose who you give them to. Someone can't just...take that from you."

Her words struck a chord within me. She was right; they couldn't take what I didn't give. My virginity still belonged to me.

"Thank you, Naomi." My energy was low. All that crying exhausted me yet again.

I felt her embrace wind tighter. "I love you, Seiko. Rest now. I'll be here for you when you wake up."

I nodded weakly. Right before I drifted off, I heard a tortured sob that came from the woman that was holding me. Naomi's body was trembling.

"Why couldn't it have been me?" I heard her whisper. I was so tired, I could only listen. My voice wouldn't work. "Seiko didn't deserve this!"

 _Neither do you_ , I thought. _I'm glad it was me and not you_. Imaging Naomi going through what I did made me feel ill. I truly was thankful every day they chose me and not her.

Not even god could help them if they ever hurt Naomi.

* * *

When I woke up from my strangely dreamless nap, I was lying on my bed and tucked safely into the covers. A sight so angelic greeted me that I had to rub my eyes a few times to make sure I wasn't imagining it. Naomi was curled up on her side, dozing peacefully just inches away from me. Short, rebellious brunette strands were tousled around her features, messily curling around her delicate bone structure like ocean waves crashing gently over the shore. I heard her soft breaths that drifted from her parted lips at an even pace, signifying a peaceful slumber. My eyes drifted to those dark lashes, so very long and thick that they brushed the tops of her cheeks when her eyes were closed.

I couldn't resist it anymore. My hand moved on its own, almost trance-like, and I gently brushed Naomi's cheek. Chocolate strands caressed my knuckles, barely kissing the surface of my skin. I smoothed the rouge hair back into place around her ear before slowly lifting my fingertips away from contact. It was then that Naomi began to regain consciousness.

"Mm...Seiko? You awake?" Her voice was slurred and tired, but she tried her best to sound alert. A few bleary blinks later, eyes the color of melted chocolate greeted me.

"Mhm," I replied, feeling my lips stretch into a smile involuntarily. Naomi was too cute.

"Feel better?" Naomi asked, stifling a small yawn. I nodded. "I'm so glad. You had me a little worried there."

Overwhelming amounts of affection coursed through me, and I had no choice but to allow it to spread throughout my entire body. It was as though it was simply too much to contain in my heart alone. My persistent feelings of filth had never been more quiet. Overcome with emotion, my eyes began brimming with tears. I couldn't help myself from reaching towards Naomi and burying my face in her ample chest.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Thank you so much, Naomi." I felt her giggle softly.

"Where's this coming from all of a sudden?" she inquired in a gentle tone. I felt her arms wind around me again, and I felt complete. There was no room for filth when she radiated so much purity. "Seiko, you don't need to thank me."

"No, Naomi, you don't understand." I took a deep breath. "The doctor said I was lucky to be alive, but the truth is, I wasn't alive. I...I died that night. Every time I saw you from that point on, I was breathing and my heart was beating but I felt like I was dead inside. You never realized that simply looking at me like nothing had changed made me feel whole again, even for just one moment. I was scared to tell you about what happened most of all because I didn't know what I'd do if you saw me the way I saw myself and stopped looking at me like that." I pulled away just enough to look into Naomi's eyes. Other than seeming like she was struggling not to burst into tears, but I could see the same look I was talking about in her chocolate brown irises.

"In hindsight, I really should've told you sooner. You're looking at me right now like I'm the same Seiko I've always been despite everything that's happened. Maybe I can't see myself that way yet, but knowing that you can and do really means a lot to me. I can't thank you enough for the hope you've given me." A single tear slid down Naomi's cheek, and her full lips quivered. I reached out to wipe the droplet. The tomboy closed her eyes as my fingertips brushed her cheek, drawing in a raspy breath. I withdrew contact as she began a shaky exhale, but more tears fell unbidden despite her best efforts. Sighing a bit, I reached forward to wipe them away. "Hey, if you're gonna cry, could you at least try to not look so cute? It's easier to take you seriously if you ugly cry like me."

"Geez," Naomi croaked, voice hoarse from emotion. Her eyes opened, shining amber orbs full of affection. The brunette cracked a smile. "I know I'm a crybaby, don't rub it in." She sniffed and brought her hand to rest on top of mine where it touched her cheek. "I don't want to leave you."

"Then don't."

"Won't your siblings be getting home soon?"

"They aren't going to kick you out, Naomi. If anything, Aya might try to keep you here forever. She's been dying to meet you." Naomi giggled.

"She has? How does she even know about me?"

"You think I would keep my best friend's existence hidden from my family? Nonsense! You're the hottest topic at the dinner table."

"All good things, I hope?" A snort slipped out of me.

"Kei thinks you're my imaginary friend because you're 'too cool to be Seiko's real friend'."

"You're kidding!"

"Just wait 'till you meet him. He might pass out from shock." Naomi burst into a fit of laughter, shaking from mirth. I felt her wide grin from where my hand was still resting on her cheek. My heart sang with happiness.

"Oh my god, I can't wait." Naomi's giggles finally started to subside. "Any other misconceptions I should know about?"

"Aya doesn't know the difference between a girl that's a friend and the word 'girlfriend' so don't be alarmed when she calls you that."

"I think I can handle it." I could've sworn I felt Naomi's cheek heat up beneath my hand as I said "girlfriend". Maybe it was just wishful thinking. My gaze lowered to Naomi's full lips that were stretched into a smile, and I was hit with a strong desire to move my fingertips a few centimeters over to caress them. I had to avert my eyes. It wasn't right for me to have thoughts like that.

Sure, I agreed that my first kiss was still mine to give away, but a part of me didn't know if I'd ever be ready to have it. What if I had a panic attack during the special moment and ruined everything? What if I hated it just as much as I did that night? What if it didn't feel different at all from when I was violated and those boys really did steal my first time experiencing a kiss? It scared me so much.

"What's wrong?"

Naomi's voice cut through my thoughts. "Nothing," I lied.

She frowned and removed our hands from her cheek so she could prop her head up on her arm. "You don't have to lie to me, Seiko. You know you'll feel better if you tell me." She was right, and I couldn't argue. I sighed.

"What if my first kiss really was taken? What if the moment comes and it's not any different after all? What if I panic? What if—"

A finger on my lips silenced me before Naomi took a turn to speak. "Shh. Take a breath. Are you really that worried about it?" I nodded. Naomi removed her finger from my mouth and paused to contemplate what she would say next. Finally, she said, "You could kiss me and find out."

"I—sorry, what? Come again?" I expected Naomi to laugh it off or say she was kidding, but aside from a glowing pink blush and avoiding eye contact she made no move to take back what she had said. In fact, she repeated it.

"If you want to know what it's like to kiss someone who really cares about you, you could kiss me."

"...Naomi, did you hit your head?"

"I'm serious, Seiko!" Naomi was blushing furiously and became fidgety. "Think about it! You're in a safe place right now with someone who loves you. If something bad happens, I'll be right here to help. If all goes well, then you don't need to worry any more and we never have to speak of it again. I just think it would be better to find out the answer when nothing is at risk, you know?"

My heart felt ready to explode. I couldn't even fathom kissing Naomi. It sounded too good to be true. "Naomi...are you sure? I mean, this is your first kiss! Don't you want to save it for the person you love?"

Naomi blushed even deeper, but she met my gaze as she said, "Well, I love you, so isn't it the same?"

Oh god, my face was on fire and my heart felt ready to burst from my chest. "Naomi! How can you give up your first kiss so easily?"

"I'm not, Seiko. Although, your health and well-being are more important to me than a silly first kiss. I was serious when I said I wanted to help you in any way I could."

"Still…" I had to look away. I was certain my whole face was bright red and steaming by now. "I'm just scared. I don't like when you see me like...you know."

Naomi touched my cheek with a feather-light caress. "I know, but we don't know for sure that'll happen yet. That's why it's important we find out while you're in a safe place." I sighed. I saw her point, and I wanted to do it. I was simply frightened. "Seiko, close your eyes." Oh, god. This is really happening. I blinked instead of closing them due to nervousness. Naomi rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna kiss you right now, I just want you to close your eyes." I did so. "Take a few deep breaths." I did so. "Good. Now, be honest. Do you want this? I don't want to force you." I nodded. "Then stay still. I've...never done this, either."

I waited. Each second felt like an eternity. My heartbeat thundered in my ears. After multiple eternities had passed, I felt her hand touch my cheek with the gentleness of a lover. I knew my skin must've been hot enough to cook an egg beneath her touch. Just when I thought she might've had second thoughts, I felt the mattress bow slightly beneath me, signifying her moving closer. Her breath fanned my lips, excruciatingly close. Finally, _finally_ , her lips brushed mine and electricity exploded through my body. She drew back and connected our lips again, this time sure and firm. I practically melted. This was nothing like last time. This was...incredible.

Strawberries. Chapstick. Chocolate soda. Mint.

I tasted all of it on her lips, each and every flavor dancing to the tune of her song.

She smelled wonderful, like a floral breeze in the middle of spring gently wafting into my senses. It caressed my nostrils with the soft reminder of the bath we had taken together.

Was this real? How could it be?

As if reading my mind, I felt a gentle pinch on my arm, a loving squeeze on my hand. It said everything I needed to hear.

This is real. I'm here with you. I love you. It's okay.

Naomi was kissing me. I was kissing Naomi.

Ah. So _that's_ how it happened.

* * *

 _Hello everyone! I hope you're enjoying the story. It's really starting to heat up, huh? If you are enjoying it, well, you can thank BashfulShade for this update! I was feeling down about my writing, and their review came in at just the right time. I sat on the floor of my room, reading it over and over just trying to comprehend how someone could take the time to write something that wonderful about my writing. I won't lie, I cried a bit. It meant the world to me, as does every other review you guys leave. So, if you have to time, please take a few moments to review my writing below! You might think it doesn't mean much, but seriously, just getting one review gives me the push I need to start a new chapter._

 _Also, extra shoutout to BashfulShade for their incredible Corpse Party fanfic titled "Corpse Party: Destination". It's so good and gives me all the feels! Sometimes I read it just to get back in the grove of Corpse Party dialogue because theirs always reads perfectly in character, which I really admire. It's also my all time favorite CPA fanfic, so there's that too! Please give it a read :)_

 _Alright, I've blabbed enough! See you in the next chapter!_

 _-Juuvi_


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